This essay is the latest in a series of monthly submissions from members of the Society for the Psychological Study of Men and Masculinity, Division 51 of the American Psychological Association. SPSMMs objective is to advance knowledge in the psychology of men through research, education, training, public policy, and improved clinical practice.
By RONALD F. LEVANT
I once wrote, in regard to the masculinity crisis of the 1990s, What it means to be a man today is one of the most persistent unresolved issues in mens lives. Men feel that they are being told that what they have been trying to accomplish is irrelevant to the world of today. Since women now work and can earn their own living, there is no longer as much need for Mr. Good Provider.
Unfortunately, this crisis is still with us. If anything, it has intensified, as a result of the continuing imbalance between womens and mens work and family roles. With the majority of adult women in the work force, very few men are sole providers and most are co-providers.
A New York Times article on a recent Pew Research Center report highlights this point. The story notes that Men are now increasingly likely to marry wives with more education and income than they have.
Womens roles have changed since the late 1960s. They have been managing both family and career responsibilities for decades. They have combined traditional feminine pursuits, such as love, family, and caring for others, with newer ones for women, such as independence, career, and defining themselves through their own accomplishments.
Some of us men have changed too and scrapped our old definitions of manhood as good providers. Instead we view ourselves as good family men who can fully share parenting and housework with our working wives. Those of us who have chosen this path have increased our openness to relationships and our participation in the emotional and domestic arenas of life. We who have done this have renewed our relevance to todays world.
However, too many guys still cling to the older definitions that emphasize work and individual accomplishment over emotional intimacy and family involvement, thus making themselves irrelevant. It is puzzling that so many men have resisted change in role definitions in light of the fact that many, if not most, of us are not the good providers for our families that men have traditionally been.
To address these issues I suggest that we reexamine our notions of what it means to be a man and confront our archaic ideas that it is unmanly to cook, clean or care for a child. This may be hard to do, because we learned as kidssometimes the hard way, from the violence of our peersthat it was absolutely imperative to uphold the traditional male code. Hence, even thinking about this may make some of us feel ashamed and less of a man. But why, really? Whator whoare we afraid of?
Mens groups can be vehicles for men to offer support to each other to brave this shame, confront the old models, and develop workable new ideals for being a man. For example, if you have young children at home, you can take the morning shift, waking the kids and getting them dressed, fed, and off to day care or school. Or you can take the evening shift, picking up the kids and getting them settled in their evening routines while you prepare supper.
Guys, lets do it. We have nothing to lose but our irrelevance.
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Ronald F. Levant, EdD, is professor of psychology at the University of Akron. Dr. Levant is the cofounder and was the first president of APA Division 51 (the Society for the Psychological Study of Men and Masculinity). His books include Between Father and Child (1991, Penguin); Masculinity, Reconstructed (1995, Dutton); A New Psychology of Men (1995, Basic Books); Men and Sex: New Psychological Perspectives (1997, John Wiley & Sons); and New Psychotherapies for Men (1998, John Wiley & Sons).
