The Good Men Project

"Good Men is a revelation, a frank, exhilarating glimpse into the lives of men who are on the quest toward self-awareness."

Neil Chethik

author of FatherLoss and VoiceMale

June 9, 2009

Good Man Excerpt: Joshua Camberlain as envisioned by Michael Shaara

Filed under: Coming of Age, Death, Good Men Quotes, Work — tmatlack @ 5:16 am

chamberlain

My dad was a Quaker pacifist who taught English at Cornell, Umass, and then Hampshire College. He read aloud to me, books on sports, whaling, and war. Of all the wars, the Civil War was his greatest fascination. And perhaps his greatest war hero was Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain, a professor at Bowdoin College in Maine who became a Union Army general. Chamberlain, many argue, changed the course of American history by holding the line at Little Round Top with a handful of men who were massively outnumbered.

The following is an account of that battle from Michael Shaara’s novel THE KILLER ANGELS, winner of the 1975 Pulitzer Prize for fiction -TOM MATLACK

The Rebs were in plain view, moving, firing. Chamberlain saw clearly a tall man aiming a rifle at him. At me. Saw the smoke, the flash, but did not hear the bullet go by. Missed. Ha! He stepped out into the open, balanced on the gray rock. Tozier had lifted the colors into the clear. The Rebs were thirty yards off. Chamberlain raised his saber, let loose the shout that was the greatest sound he could make, boiling the yell up from his chest: Fix bayonets! Charge! Fix bayonets! Charge! Fix bayonets! Charge! He leaped down from the boulder, still screaming, his voice beginning to crack and give, and all around him his men were roaring animal screams, and he saw the whole Regiment rising and pouring over the wall and beginning to bound down through the dark bushes, over the dead and dying and wounded, hats coming off, hair flying, mouths making sounds, one man firing as he ran, the last bullet, last round. Chamberlain saw gray men below stop, freeze, crouch, then quickly turn. The move was so quick he could not believe it. Men were turning and running. Some were stopping to fire. There was the yellow flash and then they turned. Chamberlain saw a man drop a rifle and run. Another. A bullet plucked at Chamberlain’s coat, a hard pluck so that he thought he had caught a thorn but looked down and saw the huge gash. But he was not hit. He saw an officer: handsome full-bearded man in gray, sword and revolver. Chamberlain ran toward him, stumbled, cursed the bad foot, looked up and aimed and fired and missed, then held aloft the saber.  The officer turned, saw him coming, raised a pistol, and Chamberlain ran toward it downhill, unable to stop, stumbling downhill seeing the black hole of the pistol turning toward him, not anything but the small hole yards away, feet away, the officer’s face a blur behind it and no thought, a moment of gray suspension rushing silently, soundlessly toward the black hole . . . and the gun did not fire; the hammer clicked down on an empty shell, and Chamberlain was at the man’s throat with the saber and the man was handing him his sword, all in one motion, and Chamberlain stopped.

“The pistol too,” he said.

The officer handed him the gun: a cavalry revolver, Colt.

“Your prisoner, sir.” The face of the officer was very white, like old paper. Chamberlain nodded.

He looked up to see an open space. The Rebs had begun to fall back; now they were running. He had never seen them run; he stared, began limping forward to see. Great cries, incredible sounds, firing and yelling. The Regiment was driving in a line, swinging to the fight, into the dark valley. Men were surrendering. He saw masses of gray coats, a hundred or more, moving back up the slope to his front, in good order, the only ones not running, and thought: If they form again we’re in trouble, desperate trouble, and he began moving that way, ignoring the officer he had just captured.

MICHAEL SHAARA, The Killer Angels


 

June 8, 2009

Daily Man: Tackling the Important Stuff

Filed under: Coming of Age, Daily Man, Fatherhood, Good Men Quotes — tmatlack @ 4:38 am
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Friday Night Lights

“I have spent the last twenty years as a minister dealing with issues of poverty and systematic racism and family disintegration,” says former Baltimore Colts defensive tackle Joe Ehrmann.  “At the end of all these years, I would say that in order to make America a more just and fair society, I would boil it down to the single greatest crisis. If we don’t address this issue, we can’t really deal with other issues. And that primary, critical issue is a concept of what it means to be a man. If we don’t fix our understanding, and get some proper definition of masculinity and manhood, I don’t think we can address other issues….Masculinity, first and foremost, ought to be defined in terms of relationships. It ought to be taught in terms of the capacity to love and be loved. If you look over your life at the end, it’s going to come down to this: What kind of father were you? What kind of husband were you? What kind of coach or teammate were you? What kind of son were you? Success comes in terms of relationships.  The only other criterion for masculinity is that all of us ought to have some kind of cause, some kind of purpose in our lives that’s bigger than our own individual hopes, dreams, wants, and desires. At the end of our life, we ought to be able to look back over it from our deathbed and know that somehow the world was a better place because we lived, we loved, we were other-centered, other-focused.”

Season of Life is Jeffrey Marx’s story of growing up as a ball boy for the Baltimore Colts; becoming a journalist and covering the destruction of Memorial Stadium, where he had spent so many childhood days; and the resulting rekindled relationship with Ehrmann, who had long since become a man of faith and a football coach at Baltimore’s Gilman School. It’s also the story of Marx’s search for his father and for the meaning of manhood. 

Marx describes how in the locker room Ehrmann tells his players (they have been conference champions eight of the last eleven years) that the lie they are being told by our society is that men are defined by athletic ability, sexual prowess, and economic success. Before every game he asks his team of teenage boys, “What are you going to do?” And they respond with a roar, “Love each other!”

Ehrmann’s pep talks blow to bits the theory that feelings and love are four-letter words for guys.  His views also mirror those behind The Good Men Project. My point is to show how men become isolated from their own fathers, sons, and male friends when they believe they have to prove all this stuff about themselves, stuff that, Ehrmann points out, really doesn’t matter.

The moral of my story is that becoming king of the hill doesn’t lead to fulfillment. My capacity to work obsessively and remain calm in the heat of battle made me a good athlete and a great deal-maker. It allowed me to push people around and stab them in the back. I won by all the traditional guy definitions; I was rich and powerful by the time I was thirty. But in reality I had lost everything. I had failed on all the measures that really count, as Ehrmann has defined them.

For as long as I could remember I felt as though I was unlovable. I know it sounds weak to say that, but it’s true. All that stuff I was doing-the sports and the deals-was intended to fill that void.  It was  my boys, Seamus and Cole, who taught me how to be a man. I could love them unconditionally and felt their love just as freely. There is something about father-son bonds that are at the core of all this. In Season of Life, the point of Marx’s quest really is about finding his dad. For me, it has been more about finding myself as a dad.

The Good Men Project isn’t an attempt to tell any guy what to do or think. But it is an attempt to break the silence, so that guys don’t feel so completely alone, the way I did for so many years. It’s also an attempt to talk openly about what is really important, even if it’s different for every guy, so we don’t fool ourselves or each other into pursuing goals that, in the end, won’t make us happy.  -TOM MATLACK

 

June 4, 2009

Good Man Quotes: David Mamet TRUE AND FALSE

Filed under: Good Men Quotes, Work — tmatlack @ 5:47 am

In The Company of Men, David Mamet

In The Company of Men, David Mamet

“Find your mark, you the other fellow in the eye, and tell the truth.”

James Cagney

“As actors, we spend most of our time nauseated, confused, guilty.  We are lost and ashamed of it; confused because we don’t know what to do and we have too much information, none of which can be acted upon; and guilty because we feel we are not doing our own job.”

“The well-made play, scene, design, direction, the good performance, must be true.  The simple truth may stem form a natural disposition, or come from years of arduous study-it’s nobody’s business but your own.

The bandishments of fame, money, and security are great.  Sometimes they have to be quieted, sometimes they have to be compromised with-just as in any other sphere of life.

What is true, what is false, what is, finally, important?  It is not a sign of ignorance not to know the answers.  But there is a great merit in facing the questions.”

–David Mamet, TRUE AND FALSEHeresy and Common Sense for the Actor

There was a time in my post-divorce bachelorhood, a decade ago now, that I took several acting classes.  My motives were not pure, of course.  I was more interested in who I might meet at the classes than in learning the craft itself.  Though I was interested enough in the art of acting to pick up David Mamet’s book.  It had a profound impact on me, not so much as it applied to the stage, but how it applied to my life.  If you substitute the word “man” for the word “actor” in the quotes above, you get a reliable summary of what The Good Man Project is all about.

 

June 2, 2009

Good Men Quote: Marcus Aurelius

Filed under: Good Men Quotes — tmatlack @ 5:27 am

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“Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one!”
Marcus Aurelius (2nd century A.D.)

 

May 19, 2009

Good Men Quote: Carlo Rotella on Mismatched Fights

Filed under: Coming of Age, Good Men Quotes — tmatlack @ 5:05 am

When I first thought of shifting from venture capital to writing, my main mentor and hero-in-life was a classmate from Wesleyan. I greatly admired his work,  and he spent far more of his time than I had any right to expect reading my horrid scribbles and returning them with jewels from 10th-grade English class and always with some words of encouragement.  Carlo Rotella has written widely, but I most love his work on boxing.   My favorite scene involves a group of bullies, all of whom I knew personally, invading a townie bar in Middletown, Connecticut, the home of Wesleyan. (To keep their guilty asses anonymous, Carlo calls the bullies the Count, the Henchman, and the Fellow Traveler ). At the bar, they cross paths with a middle-aged and not particularly fit local (the Terminator), who happens to know how to throw a punch.   The result is justice, as sweet as I have ever read:

“What followed was not so much a fight as a kind of reasoned exposition, like a lecture, in which an elegant chain of assertions supported by incontrovertible evidence was hammered out on the students’ faces.  While the Count was still peeling off his tight white T-shirt to reveal his astoundingly well-developed torso, and while the Henchman was following suit, the Fellow Traveler walked over to the Terminator, apparently to have a word with him, perhaps even to head off hostilities.  This was also a mistake.  As soon as the Fellow Traveler, the smallest and best-natured of the Count’s fraction, got within range, grinning and holding his open hands high and palms-forward in a traditional “let’s have a talk, big fella” gesture, the Terminator punched him, a concise right hand thrown with lots of tight-sprung force and the elbow turned out just before impact.  It was a big fist and it mashed most of the left side of the Fellow Traveler’s face…Everyone knew that the fight, as a fight, was over.  There had already been a weary, let’s-get-this-over-with quality to the Count’s and the Henchmen’s second assault. They now understood the decisive difference between themselves and the Terminator–he knew about fighting, while they knew about rough games and mauling incompetent victims–but they had invested too much in their personas to give up without first taking a beating.”

Carlo Rotella, CUT TIME:  An Education at the Fights

rotella21

Bio: http://bit.ly/UADHS

Book:   http://bit.ly/a77N8

 

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