The Good Men Project

"Men write about the big turning points in their lives as well as how they navigate the day-to-day pressures of marriage, parenthood, and careers."

The Boston Globe

November 20, 2009

Rudyard Kipling: If

Filed under: Good Men Quotes — tmatlack @ 8:16 am

393774336_6a120c18b7

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son!

 

November 2, 2009

Revolutionary Road

Filed under: Good Men Quotes, James Houghton — tmatlack @ 5:23 am

Despite what publishers seem to think about men’s attention spans these days we do occasionally pick up a book and read. I just finished Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates (have not seen the movie yet) and it is a masterful study of dashed expectations and trapped lives in suburban 1950s America. It is one of those books, like House of Sand and Fog, that had me squirming from the very beginning. The situations are so precise and the portraits of the characters so real that while you don’t know exactly how it is going to end you just know that it is going to end badly, even when things are temporarily going well.

One of the themes of the book is the challenge both men and women face to define themselves amidst the cultural expectations of their time. Sound familiar? At one particularly (prematurely) giddy point in the novel April Wheeler, the 29 year-old mother of two married to the once-dashing now slowly suffocating Frank, attempts to shake them both out of their complacency and to inspire a new beginning.

“‘It was like saying, All right, then, if you want this baby its going to be all your responsibility. You’re going to have turn yourself inside out to provide for us. You’ll have to give up any idea of being anything in the world but a father…..You were too good and young and scared; you played right along with it, and that’s how the whole thing started. That’s how we both got committed to this enormous delusion – because that’s what it is, an enormous obscene delusion – this idea that people have to resign from real life and ’settle down’ when they have families.”

“‘Oh, Frank Can you really think artists and writers are the only people entitled to lives of their own? Listen: I don’t care if it takes you five years of doing nothing at all; I don’t care if you decide after five years that what you really want is to be a bricklayer or a mechanic or a merchant seaman. Don’t you see what I am saying? It’s got nothing to do with definite, measurable talents – it’s your very essence that is being stifled here. It’s what you are that is being denied and denied and denied in this kind of life.’


‘And what’s that?’ For the first time he allowed himself to look at her ‘


‘Oh,don’t you know? Don’t you know? You’re the most valuable and wonderful thing in the world. You’re a man.’”

Not to spoil the finish but let’s just say that in the end the “delusion” remains a force to be reckoned with and Frank is a long way from feeling valuable and wonderful. It is not a great stretch to wonder if one of the reasons this book remains so relevant (and hard to read) today is that it can seem so familiar, despite our more supposedly modern and evolved sensibilities.

JAMES HOUGHTON

 

September 13, 2009

Book Review: THE SHACK by Wm. Paul Young

Filed under: Daily Man, Good Men Quotes — tmatlack @ 9:46 am

“Why is there such an emphasis on you being a Father?  I mean, its seems to be the way you most reveal yourself.”

Asks Mack, a man who has suffered brutal abuse from his own father and lost his young daughter to a serial killer who leaves only a bloody red dress in a remote shack only to be invited back that same shack four years later by God who appears as a black woman.

“Well, there are many reasons for that, and some of them go very deep.  Let me say for now that we knew once the creation was broken, true fathering would be much more lacking than mothering.  Don’t misunderstand me, both are needed–but an emphasis on fathering is necessary because of the enormity of its absence.”

3896971371_991701c277

So begins the conversation between Mack and God, soon to be joined by Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit in THE SHACK by Wm. Paul Young.  For Mack, and for us as readers, what transpires in the shack requires creative imagination not unlike that in Harry Potter or any number of fantastic tales.  But in this case the subject is far closer to home: the healing of a broken heart.  Mack is one of those many good people beset by tragedy and unable to get beyond the great sadness it brings with it.

THE SHACK is also an exploration of God and Spirit from a completely different dimension, both matter-of-fact and revolutionary in its condemnation of organized religion’s shortsightedness.  As I read the book I felt myself climbing into a gradually more and more comfortable womb of safety and found myself beginning to believe that everything does happen for a reason, even the most painful events.   In darkness there is light and love.

For Mack the issue comes down to forgiveness and reconciliation first his abusive father, then God, and finally his daughter’s murderer.  The gravity of Mack’s situation, perhaps the worst scenario any human being could go through, allows us as readers to reflect on our own flavor of tragedy and those we have yet to forgive.

The underlying theme of THE SHACK is that rugged individualism doesn’t work.  There is no evil only lack of goodness.  The human flaw is to believe that we can live free of our relationships with one another and with God.  The horrific set-up to the book, Mack’s tragedy, takes just a few pages.  The rest is an exploration of Mack’s rehabilitation.

In one memorable scene Jesus touches Mack’s eyes to allow him to see the light and color of human energy, both dead and alive.  As a reader, I had to suspend my cynical mind.  But wasn’t hard given the beauty described.  One of the gathered is experiencing great pain, affecting all those around him.  It’s Mack’s father, the man who chained him to a tree and beat him.  Mack sees, finally, that the key to his salvation is forgiveness.  Not for the perpetrators of the crimes but for himself.

THE SHACK is one of the most compelling modern descriptions of faith because it is able to describe the indescribable in an easy to understand narrative.  We get the sense that God appears as the Trinity because that is what will work for Mack.  Much of the book is intended to point out the limitations of religion when it comes to faith.  None is better or worse than another but so too none hits the mark of what God has to say to Mack about why his father beat him and his daughter was brutally murdered and why, despite all that, he is loved by the Devine and there is room for joy in his life not despite these events but in fact because of them.  It’s speaks equally both to those who are devote followers of religion and those who are not.

TOM MATLACK

 

Good Men Excerpt: South Korea’s Stay-at-Home Duds

Filed under: Good Men Quotes — tmatlack @ 5:53 am

3656058076_dcefa1ea68

South Korea might make better home electronics than does America, but this country produces better stay-at-home fathers, or so says one South Korean writer, Kim Seong-kon, whose column from a September issue of the Korea Herald was excerpted recently in The Week. Here’s an excerpt of that excerpt  —Larry Bean

When American men get laid off, they often become stay-at-home dads. That could never happen here in Korea, said Kim Seong-kon. “Unlike their American counterparts, most Korean husbands” don’t know the first thing about cooking or cleaning, not to mention child care.

When Korean men lose their jobs, which is happening more and more as the recession deepens, “they inevitably degenerate into useless nuisances who are much detested by their wives.” Women complain that their husbands can’t even put leftovers in the microwave.

Some of these men are simply passive, dependent on their wives “as they were dependent on their mothers as children.” Others are tyrants, demanding to be served. Both types need to change. “Being an able man at work is important. Nevertheless, being a useful, esteemed man at home is equally imperative—especially in this economic crisis.”

 

June 11, 2009

Good Man Excerpt: Stephen King’s Ascent

Filed under: Good Men Quotes, Work — tmatlack @ 5:52 am

I am not a huge fan of Stephen King’s fiction, but I am a huge fan of the man. On Writing made a big impression on me, because of how King wrote about his life and how he thought about his craft. Before he sold his first book, King and his wife couldn’t afford a phone or the “pink medicine” their kids needed to treat various ordinary bacterial infections. Below is an excerpt from On Writing in which King describes how he sold the paperback rights to Carrie. He had received an advance of only $2,500 for the hardcover. -TOM MATLACK

When I was a little kid, Daddy Guy had once said to my mother: “Why don’t you shut your kid up, Ruth? When Stephen opens his mouth, all his guts fall out.” It was true then, has been true all my life, but on that Mother’s Day in May of 1973 I was completely speechless. I stood there in the doorway, casting the same shadow as always, but I couldn’t talk. Bill asked if I was still there, kind of laughing as he said it. He knew I was.

I hadn’t heard him right. Couldn’t have. The idea allowed me to find my voice again, at least. “Did you say it went for forty thousand dollars?”

“Four hundred thousand dollars, ” he said. “Under the rules of the road”-meaning the contract I had signed-”two hundred K of it is yours. Congratulations, Steve.”

I was still standing in the doorway, looking across the living room towards our bedroom and the crib where Joe slept. Our place on Sanford Street rented for ninety dollars a month and this man I’d only met once face-to-face was telling me I’d just won the lottery. The strength ran out of my legs. I didn’t fall, exactly, but I kind of whooshed down to a sitting position there in the doorway.

“Are you sure?” I asked Bill.

He said he was. I asked him to say the number again, very slowly and very clearly, so I could be sure I hadn’t misunderstood. He said the number was four followed by five zeros. “After that a decimal point and two more zeros,” he added.

We talked for another half an hour, but I don’t remember a single word of what we said. When the conversation was over, I tried to call Tabby at her mother’s. Her youngest sister, Marcella, said Tab had already left. I walked back and forth through the apartment in my stocking feet, exploding with good news and without an ear to hear it. I was shaking all over. At last I pulled on my shoes and walked downtown. The only store that was open on Bangor’s Main Street was LaVerdiere’s Drug. I suddenly felt that I had to buy Tabby a Mother’s Day present, something wild and extravagant. I tried, but here’s one of life’s true facts: there’s nothing really wild and extravagant for sale at LaVerdiere’s. I did the best I could. I got her a hair dryer.

When I got back home she was in the kitchen, unpacking baby bags and singing along with the radio. I gave her the hair dryer. She looked at it as if she’d never seen one before. “What’s this for?” she asked.

I took her by the shoulders. I told her about the paperback sale. She didn’t appear to understand. I told her again. Tabby looked over my shoulder at our shitty little four-room apartment, just as I had, and began to cry.

STEPHEN KING, On Writing

http://www.stephenking.com

stephen_king

 

Older Posts »

Subscribe

RSS Feed  RSS    RSS Feed  Email

Join us on the Web