The Good Men Project

Esquire Gets it Wrong, Again

As usual, Esquire continues to get it wrong. Once a dead-on reflection of how a man should act and a bastion of all things male, the magazine has fallen off its pedestal and become more like a farm team for People magazine. It certainly does not lead the parade for American men.

Consider the May issue, titled “How to Be a Man”, which tells us men “what” we should be and  ”who” we should emulate. It also lets us know what material “things” define us and should be found in the top drawer of our dressers.

Writer Tom Chiarella tells us that a guy should know how to “bust balls,”  “make things like a rock wall,” “surreptitiously sneak a look at cleavage,” and refer to a vagina as “snatch.” Tom also says, “…if a man doesn’t like his job he gets a new one.” Apparently Tom hasn’t taken a look at the job market lately.

Other Esquire writers assist in the issue’s attempt to weave the complex tapestry of men.

Consider the profiles of what I gather to be “real men.” The subjects include Joe Rogan. Forgive me, but this is a chap whose identity eludes me. My 17-year-old son tells me he was on a TV program called Fear Factor. Also profiled are Russell Crowe, Chris Rock, Peyton Manning, Mickey Rourke, Barack Obama, John McEnroe, and Brad Pitt. The common thread among these individuals is their status as celebrities by virtue of their accomplishments in politics , sports or entertainment.

So if being a movie or TV personality, famous politician or all-star athlete is the key to the Man kingdom, then count them in, and, I guess, me out. And also count out my neighbor Joe, who runs a small landscaping business with his two sons. And count out James, who was recently laid off from his job at a Boston utility company but is taking on odd landscaping jobs with Joe to help keep the house afloat and food on the table for him, his wife and two kids while he also tries to finish his business degree at night. My street is dotted with similar guys with parallel stories of manhood.

The most absurd part of this issue is the “stuff” the editorial staff feels every man should own. OK guys, try to imagine your lives without a $130 flashlight, $355 boots, a $500 chainsaw, a $60 business card holder, and a $500 weekend duffel bag (that’s $250 a day and, by my math, a week bag would cost $1,250). How have we gotten by for all these years without these necessities?

As a man, no, as a real man and not the kind of man who Esquire deems relevant, I find it easy to poke fun at the silly and vacuous approach this magazine takes in trying to define a man. But a real man does not laugh at the expense of others’ shortcomings without trying to offer help. So here it is, the essence of man according to Paul:

Being a man means that you are true to your word and accept life’s responsibilities. Do what you say you will, be where you say you’ll be, and walk only in your shoes.

In the final scene of the movie Forest Gump, Forest and his son, Little Forest, are sitting alongside the road outside their home, waiting for LF’s school bus. A simple father-and-son moment of small talk about doing well in school, minding your teachers–the kind of stuff about which a father would normally talk to his child. As the bus approaches, Forest turns to his son and, in one simply sublime and sweeping moment, sums up the essence of manhood by telling LF that he will “be here,” waiting for him when the bus brings him home from school.

Anyone can send flowers, buy Celtics tickets, plan trips and make and/or pay for dinner. Only a few men can make good on their word when they commit to something for themselves, family, or the greater world. This is where a man must continually score high marks. I can leave a meaningful legacy in life only by earning people’s trust and “being there.”

Sorry, George Clooney. You’re just not man enough for me.