The Good Men Project

DP Gates and his son, Dylan

1.) Who taught you about manhood?
Initially, my father was my primary role model. He set a great example. People wouldn’t believe it these days because he is a soft and sweet man, but he was very hard on me when I was growing up; he was very disciplined and expected me to work for what I got. He was also the reason I got into competitive sports starting when I was around 6 years old. The coaches I had from year to year all through high school and some college also helped mold me into being a man.  High-level competition in sports can take a toll on a child, and it did in my life. However, it also taught me so much about being a leader, relationships, and working together with a group toward a common goal. With my father as the key role model, and several coaches I had as the supporting cast, they gave me a serious desire for success in all areas of my life at a very young age. I always wanted to be the best and help my inner circle of friends do the same. I still do

2.) Has romantic love shaped you as a man?
Very much so. I have always been a romantic guy. As early as the fourth grade I was already attempting to give roses and gifts to the girls I cared about. In my opinion there is nothing more educational than for a man than to be in a romantic relationship. I’ve learned a lot of important life lessons from those relationships over the years, including how to let go of control, anger, and judgment. It’s a work in progress. I think I would have to say that, like most people,  I’m still learning.

3.) What two words describe your dad?
Integrity and generous.

4.) How are you most unlike him?
He is very structured, analytical, and super-attentive to details. I, on the other hand, tend to be pretty much the opposite of that.

5.) From which of your mistakes did you learn the most?
Financially, I learned from personal experience in my early 20s to not spend all the money I make on fancy cars and investments that don’t appreciate just to look cool. It was super important to me to let the world know I was something at that age. I can remember spending more money than I was making! That was a big mistake, and it was exhausting to live that way.

Now I let my results and actions show the world who I am. I have learned that having the lifestyle to do what I want, when I want, every day is the most important thing for me, because that allows me to spend quality time with my son every day.

In relationships I have learned to trust the process more, to let go of resentment from the past and judgment, and to move toward the future. I believe it’s true that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.  It’s nice living in the present moment.  It is still a challenge at times, but I am much more aware of how I show up and about my paradigms toward women and relationships.

6.) What word would the women in your life use to describe you, and is it accurate?
There are two words: Unpredictable is an accurate description of my past. Through most of my 20s I made some interesting decisions in relationships and love that could best be described as unpredictable.  However, I wouldn’t change any of it for the world. If I changed it I wouldn’t be me, and I like being me. Today, I am much more loving, open and honest, and I really believe the only way to live in 2010 is by being 100 percent transparent.  So the first word would be “unpredictable” in my 20s.  But now, as I am entering my 30s, I think they would say “honest,” because I say what I mean and mean what I say.

7.) Who is the best dad you know, and how does he earn that distinction?
My own dad set a great example by being very involved in my life.  And today, I’m proud that he would tell you I’m the best dad he knows.  And that’s because my son is my top priority.  I’ve arranged my entire life around being the best dad I can possibly be.  I set boundaries, to be sure, but my son knows he’s loved for he who is, and he’s growing up with a lot of confidence because of that.

I would add this comment, as well:  Far too many single dads are not getting the time they deserve with their kids due to their circumstances. There are a lot of dads who would trade anything just for extra time with their child. Single dads also don’t get the respect they deserve (and some moms don’t either). Traditionally it’s the dads who nearly always get the short end of the stick when relationships split up. Times are changing, however, which is wonderful, and I hope I can be somewhat of an inspiration to the dads out there who are still struggling to find inner peace and a middle ground when it comes to time with their child.  I have been blessed to have worked through a lot of ups and downs in that area, and now have the most amazing relationships with my son and his mother.  I really don’t know a couple who co-parents better than we do. We each see our son pretty much every day!  She deserves as much credit for that as I do. We are a great team.

8.) Have you been more successful in public or private life?
I think success in my public life is due to the success in my private life. It all begins and ends with my home life and my family. If I am successful there it tends to translate into my public life.   My biggest accomplishment is being a dad. I have also had a lot of success in business over the past few years and I am super grateful for the lifestyle it has created, but none of that would matter without a quality home life.

9.) When was the last time you cried?
Two nights ago, when I was putting my 4-year-old son, Dylan, to bed for the night. We always tell stories to spark his imagination and creativity. After the stories came to an end and he was falling asleep he turned over, looked at me, and said, “Daddy, I love you. You are my best friend.”  Then he said good night and rolled over, but I had tears coming down my face and a heart filled with gratitude.

10.) What advice would you give teenage boys trying to figure out what it means to be a good man?
Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Nothing is worse than regret. Failure is part of winning. If you are scared to do something, do it anyway. The most successful people in life, publicly or privately, have made many mistakes. It will shape who you are and who you become. Who cares what people think about you?  What they think about you is none of your business anyway!

I made more mistakes in my 20s than anyone I know, but that is why I succeed. No doubt I will make more mistakes; however, I truly understand that is part of the adventure. If we could not lose, then winning wouldn’t be as much fun. We are here to learn, to grow and become great men for the next generation of leaders.

For Bonus Points: What is the your most cherished ritual as a guy?
That’s easy: Hanging out with my son, Dylan, playing the Wii or telling big stories before bedtime.

*****

DP Gates is a seasoned entrepreneur. At 30 years old he has become a top sales rep, MLM earner, speaker and coach for the next generation of entrepreneurs.