By DAVID ATCHISON
It seems that as we go through life, we, as humans, make certain assumptions. We assume that certain experiences are willed to us by the sheer fact we exist.
I’m reminded of sitting in court as a teen and having a judge remind me that a driver’s license wasn’t a “right” it was a “privilege.”
That line of thinking should be used when considering the definition of a man.
There are a lot of “adults” in the world. In the United States, you are considered an adult at the age of 18. For some, it allows more freedoms; but for others involved in more questionable pursuits, it involves greater consequences. These consequences and freedoms are conferred on those over 18 because the American people have agreed that, by this age, a human has learned specific lessons and matured to a certain point.
After our 18th birthday, we don’t have another of these cultural recognitions of maturation until 21—the age at which we are allowed to legally moderate our personal consumption of alcohol. Supposedly we are mature enough to do this, and many believe at that point they are a full realized men simply because they’ve reached that point. In their minds, they deserve all the privileges and respect conferred on men.
This is troublesome. We don’t share a uniform definition of what makes a man anymore. There are plenty of bill-paying adults who don’t act like men. They act like dutiful children and frequently shirk responsibilities they don’t want to undertake. As we grow, so grows our sphere of accountability and our intellect. It becomes progressively easier to rationalize our immature and non-manlike behaviors because we know so much. We become dime store relativist, finding viable excuses for our less-than-manly behaviors.
Instead of using our intelligence to further enlighten us, we use it to allow guilt-free indulgences into very immature and base behaviors. I myself am guilty of this from time to time, but part of what makes me a man is that I take accountability for my mistakes. It’s my belief that a large part of the wisdom of men of olde came from this.
Being a man is a lifetime journey. It can’t be quantified by measuring superficial things like one’s hobbies. (Hey, comic book–reading and video game–playing men.) The true test of manhood is self examination. We must examine how well we deal with people on a regular basis. How many people are we deceptive with? How many people are we using? How many people do we owe apologies to? How many responsibilities have we shrugged off? How often have we cheated ourselves by being undisciplined in our personal life? How many lies to do we tell ourselves to continue doing things we want to do as adults that directly conflict with what we should be doing as men.
If you die over the age of 18, you will die an adult, but I would hope that in your value system you’ll die a man. I hope you’ll take the time to sit down and create a value system for yourself to compare yourself to. We need these, because the eyes of the future are upon us. Boys watch us daily. Both consciously and subconsciously they’re not only learning how to be adults, but how to be men.
When my generation is too old to run the country, I hope we’ve set a good enough example and left the world in the hands of good men, not just some responsible adults.
*****
David Atchison is a writer, producer and journalist whose work has appeared in a variety of mediums. He co-created and writes the Occult Crimes Taskforce with actress Rosario Dawson and illustrator Tony Shasteen for 12 Gauge Comics. OCT was optioned by Dimension Films. Atchison also wrote the Method Man Graphic Novel with hip-hop mainstay Method Man for Grand Central Publishing as well as successfully pitching True Believer, an in-production back door pilot for NBC Universal’s SyFy.
Before entertainment writing, Atchison served as military journalist and photographer for the Air Force and Reserve. Trained at the Defense Information School at Fort Meade, Maryland, he has worked in support of operations in Kosovo, Kuwait, Afghanistan, Iraq and Southeast Asia.
We've got a road test for driving, blood test for marriage; perhaps we also need to institute a "Man Test" for all of us to take (and pass) before we enter into the pantheon of maledom. Great, thought-provoking piece, David. I am certain that you wrote this with all of us in mind.
Comment by Paul Kidwell — February 25, 2010 @ 3:54 pm
Great Post Mr. Atchison! I couldn't agree more with your position that manhood is a privilege and that self-reflection/examination is required to evolve as an individual and gender. I am struck how males in general have no concept of what normal behavior/feelings actually encompass the male experience. So many messages from the media are drummed into young boys heads that normal behavior means that their fathers aren't around, can't make even a p-b-&-j sandwich, and only communicates when he has his friend Miller Lite nearby. Thanks for your work…we are a small contingency but mighty nonetheless.
Warm Regards,
Dr. Rod
Comment by thenormalmale — February 25, 2010 @ 4:08 pm
everyone should read. not just men………
Comment by sheri — February 25, 2010 @ 5:12 pm
Cycle of Growth:-Human nature has been paying for scientific technological development for many years now like a parent who becomes responsible for the upbringing of their child throughout their life, from birth to when that child is growing and is in need of more support, metal stimulation and guidance, to when that child starts approaching the end of a circle of childhood and begins the circle of an adolescent in order to connect to the circle of adulthood. In adulthood the individual will then want to carve a life and a future of their own. The adolescent that is within the adult at this point will need to complete the circle path of maturity and will now need to undergo a much more vigorous circle. As such there is a need guidance to acquire more awareness of self, to stay on the road for the quest to gain the knowledge and wisdom to take them over the diversity and the hurdles they will encounter in life. ~by Michelle H Grant Author – Embracing My Path~
Comment by Michelle Grant — February 25, 2010 @ 9:26 pm
5 Steps to your Circles of Growth 1.Birth (the greatest need is survival) 2. Child (the greatest need is stimulation & guidance.) 3.Adolescent (the greatest need is to explore & formulate.)
4.Adult (the greatest need is to show wisdom & clarity.) 5.Maturity (the greatest need is to enjoy a quality of life with inner peace.) ~by Michelle H Grant Author – Embracing My Path~
Comment by Michelle H Grant — February 25, 2010 @ 9:27 pm
Hi David
I am increasingly struck by the amount of negative comment and criticism there is of men and their maleness/adultness or lack thereof. Your article falls into this category.
I think that our gender and the world at large will be better served when the general trend of public articles is to praise specific men who show their hearts and vulnerability. There are many men all over the world that embody authentic masculinity.
I challenge you to find one and write about him!
Comment by Thomas Harris — February 26, 2010 @ 7:24 am
I agree with your article, however, we, especially those of us in the black community, fail to realize that manhood is a learned behavior. And instead of passing on the passage into manhood, we as a people have passed on our learned slave behavior. This is why our women and children, and our communities have been abandoned and left to the mercy of pimps, players, and storefront preachers all posing as men. Until we honestly address this issue, we will continue to fall behind the rest of the world.
Writing positive articles about the real men who are making a difference is fine and good, but they are the exception to the rule. The vast majority of our men are dying in coffins and jail cells and that won't change until this problem is addressed.
Comment by Ed Davie — March 1, 2010 @ 7:17 pm