The Good Men Project

1.) Who taught you about manhood?

My dad. Though it didn’t stick. Especially the part about confrontation. That guy has been in a death feud with his local supermarket for a decade. Meanwhile, I lost my only real fight due to the fact that I never hit the guy back. Though after being knocked down three times, I did get back up each time. I had the first half of the Ali plan down perfectly.

2.) Has romantic love shaped you as a man?

It taught me to care less about what other people think. I always thought buying flowers, public affection, and clichéd compliments were transparently cheesy. And they are, from the perspective of the objective third-person. But if they’re being showered on you, they feel honest. I would like to go around to high schools and teach boys this.

3.) What two words describe your dad?

Patient. Loyal.

4.) How are you most unlike him?

He’s patient and loyal. Also, he loves to repeat stories and go into unnecessary detail. I don’t have the patience for that. Or the loyalty.

5.) From which of your mistakes did you learn the most?

Making my wife feel insecure by flirting. It seemed so small a betrayal. But marriage is made up of millions of tiny acts of bravery, and any one failure can cause a crack that could get bad. Which is too bad, because flirting is fun. Then again, sex with new people is fun, so I get that fun shouldn’t be the main determining factor for your actions.

6.) What word would the women in your life use to describe you, and is it accurate?

Is bigpenised a word? It should be.

7.) Who is the best dad you know, and how does he earn that distinction?

My dad is a pretty great dad. Which is weird, because he’s got a lot of faults. But I think being my dad might be the thing he’s best at. Though Mike Brady seemed pretty good.

8.) Have you been more successful in public or private life?

Probably in my public life. That’s sad. I wish you hadn’t asked that question. Sadly, my solution to this problem is to be less successful in public.

9.) When was the last time you cried?

I had a baby this year. So I’ve cried more this year than in the past ten together. I’m guessing a month ago. Anything in a movie or TV show about a baby will do it. Sometimes just holding my son will do it. It causes me to think about all the tiny, little, seemingly inconsequential decisions that led to his birth; they now seem super-important. And I think about dead family members and friends who never met him. And I just think how incredible it is that he’s so lacking in fear or guile. I keep saying he’s a good person, and I know that’s ridiculous, but it just feels true. I cannot imagine my four-month-old growing up and committing genocide. Though if he does, I hope he’s the best genocidist he can possibly be.

10.) What advice would you give teenage boys trying to figure what it means to be a good man?

Honesty does not give you moral carte blanche.

Joel Stein contributes regularly to Time magazine’s Arts and Society sections and frequently writes on sports. He used to write a self-focused humor column in Time’s Notebook section, alternating with Calvin Trillin. In his column, Stein examined such topics as shaving body hair, disliking dogs, his mother’s remarriage, and the SAT test. He has appeared on network morning television and on CNN, and he can be seen regularly on the HBO segment “Phoning It In,” interviewing celebrities from a phone booth, and as the host of Comedy Central’s Reel Comedy. He also appears on the VH1 series I Love the ’80sand I Love the ’70s. Prior to joining Time, in 1997, Stein was sports editor and columnist at Time Out New York for two years. He had also served as a researcher at TV Guide and as a researcher/writer for Martha Stewart Living magazine. Stein was born and raised in New Jersey and graduated from Stanford University with a BA and MA in English.