The Good Mensch Project – Alexander Shapiro
Kicking the tires of the The Good Men Project from my home in Hamburg, Germany, I keep coming back to the need to define what good is on a personal as well as social basis. I think a lot of men become bad men because they have not sorted out their own moral guidelines and personal definitions of good and evil. They leave so much up to the media instead of carefully thinking things through before beating up themselves or others.
One of the things I like about being a “good man” in middle-class Germany is that it is simply what one does and what it is to be a “Mensch” (person). Being normal is not a statistical mean but someone who is decent. The number of people who fail at being a “Mensch” does not excuse men from behaving badly. Saying you are sorry does not wipe the slate clean.
One should receive the Mench or Good Man title from others. If you talk too much about your personal trials, tribulations and successes you are usually not taken very seriously. I wish my German friends and colleagues would stop asking me to explain why Americans need to talk so much about Yoga. They think yoga is about wellness and is supposed to be preparation for meditation, not ego broadcasting.
When you have kids or enter a serious relationship, defined by clear and understood commitments, you take on responsibility or “Verantwortung.” No commitments, no relationship. As a fast-talking New Yorker, I adore the accepted importance of “Verantwortung” and have a hard time finding an appropriate translation. Parents in Germany are legally and financially responsible for the actions of their children until they are 18. Germans often ask me why I worry so much about strangers when I have more than enough “Verantwortung” with my family and friends. Germans give less money to charities than Americans do, but they spend more face time with their parents and especially grandparents.
National Socialist (Nazi) rule still affects Germany. Local government is not as directly influenced by public opinion as it is in the US. Time/value calculations are often debated endlessly and not quickly projected into the future by experts with risk premiums. Old-boy networks often slow down German improvements but also soften blows when radical change happens. Being social is seen as having both good and bad sides, and a “Besserwisser” (someone who knows better) is not always seen in a positive light. These and other factors make it difficult for Germany to promote modern German heroes and good men. What would America be like without superheroes and megastars? How should good men be celebrated?
Germans have learned to be skeptical of themselves first and Americans second. Nice environment for an Upper West Side Manhattan Jew who had the neighborhood and values he grew up with so pimped, pumped and primped that they no longer feel like “home”. Is it ironic or normal to find and then build a new home in the northern port city of Hamburg with a Southern Bavarian women who comes from a Catholic village with fewer than 1,000 inhabitants and more than 1,000 farm animals? Am I a Good Man or Mensch because I left New York City?




















When “Once in a Lifetime” came out, in 1980, I was 16 years old and just trying to figure out how to talk to the opposite sex (which actually would take me a couple more decades, and arguably I still can’t do it). I remember listening to the song over and over again with my brother Will, two years my elder and my idol. I loved the sound and feel of the music. But I had absolutely no idea what David Byrne was talking about. Thirteen years later, I had the wife, the house, and the large automobile–none of which turned out to be mine. As a result I ended up in a shotgun shack. Okay, a week-to-week rental in Providence, Rhode Island. I had to discover, for real, who I was instead of who the world told me I should be. That has been the hardest, and most rewarding part of finally growing up. And in a sense it has brought me right back to where I started, only this time with roots and meaning.


